Helping your neighbour without hurting yourself!

Helping your neighbour without hurting yourself!
with excerpts from Religious Studies Center, Brigham Young University, Provo, Utah

The value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. Those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all.

But what do you do if  you’ve been a giver, but people have exploited your generosity, or you lack so much yourself you wonder how you can be of help to anyone?

Let’s start by defining what a need is.

A need is simply a lack of something desirable, or useful, a condition requiring supply or relief. It is a void, either real or perceived, that begs to be filled. It is privation, or want of something essential for abundant life.

Some needs are obvious, some hidden, such as loneliness, emotional or spiritual needs. Needs may also go unrecognized because of ignorance. The person in need  may also be denial or hide their need because of pride, shame, or embarrassment.

How to avoid being exploited as a helper
Many that present as needing help are fakes, and most givers would have come across a few in their quest to meet needs. One good way to avoid fakes, is to avoid giving money directly to the person or cause, but rather seek to pay for the need directly after verifying the facts of the matter brought to your attention. For example, ask for the school admission letter and pay directly to the school for the student that needs help paying fees.  Or visit the hospital and speak with the doctor in charge and pay directly to the hospital rather than give cash to the person who claims their mother or someone is gravely sick.

Secondly, do not be in a hurry to jump at the observed or perceived need.  Take time to ask questions of the seeker, and of as many close associates of the individual as you can. Most times, the pressumed urgency is a ruse, while there are often alternate ways to meet the genuine needs other than money that is usually requested.

Many givers also spread themselves too thin by trying to help all of the people all of the time with all of the requests. You should reject the temptation to say “yes” to everything. Knowing that you can’t be equally helpful to everyone, you should set your priorities. An example could be family first, students second, colleagues third, everyone else fourth. This is key, so you don’t compromise on your ability to deliver on your commitments to the people who are most important to you.

I don’t have enough to be of help
While, this situation could be present, if we introspect, we would often note that there are those still worse off than our supposed situation of lack.

Note also that the need people have is not limited to financial or material things. People need to be helped when lonely, sad, hurting, lost, misdirected and mourning to mention a few. Surely you can be of help with these, by giving of your time, counsel or simply helping them with a chore.

What is required to be a helper is a sense of charity.

Charity means subordinating our interests and needs to those of others. Service changes people, both the served and the helper. Service prompts us to consider others’ needs ahead of our own, and trust me, this comes with great blessings. Satisfying our own needs, then, is secondary. The world lauds self-fulfillment, self-gratification, self-esteem, and self-respect. All these aims focus on serving ourselves. But if we are to save our lives we must lose them.

So please be a helper. The world is in great need of your service, and God is faithful to keep His promise.

Givers never lack!