The Blame Game in Relationships

My Thoughts this week is focused on relationships, especially that between couples, inspired by an online post on FAMILYLIFE by Dennis and Barbara Rainey that I came across recently, which goes thus.

“I'll never forget the email I received from a husband who described in point-by-point detail what he hoped to get from one of our marriage conferences he and his wife were scheduled to attend. I can't squeeze all of them onto this page, but you'll get the idea.

I need you to talk to my wife about:

1. Getting her to allow more intimacy with me
2. Getting her to spend more time with me
3. Getting her to stop watching bad TV shows
4. Getting her to support the work I do
5. Getting her to stop wasting our family's money
6. Getting her to realize she's setting a bad example”
7. Etc., etc., etc. 

As I read through, what came to my mind was, “What if instead of making this long list of things you would like to see changed about your wife, you made a list of what YOU needed to change?” Or perhaps What if you made a list of what you most appreciate about her instead? 

I am of the strong opinion that if you can come up with three things that are most important to your spouse that he or she would want changed, and then set a timeline to meet them, you will ultimately get what you desire out of them in return.

It is always easy to pick on someone, but self-introspection and being intentional about changing oneself works better in a relationship if you ask me. And may God help us so to do as you work at reseting your relationships.