Why did I get married?

Here is an interesting quote from Tyler Perry’s “Why did I get married?” movie. 

“In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship. There is always another person (man or woman) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT and believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship.

But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT

But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.

Be careful in deciding between what you WANT and NEED in your life. Do not throw away the 80% that you already have!

That is not all. Add to your spouse's 80% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple. The many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have, but faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have.

But I am not just talking about marriage. I am talking about life!

• About your jobs.
• About your family.
• About your friends.
• About your children.
• About your life.

Learn to appreciate what you have before time makes you to appreciate what you had...and do it today, as there may not be a tomorrow. Cherish those you love, appreciate them today." Q. E. D.

Final tips from me

Though the man is the primary provider in a marriage, the woman also has financial responsibilities, which she must meet if a good marriage is desired. Financial responsibility should however not be misconstrued for an expensive wedding. Intending couples should be very careful what they pursue in the guise of tradition and societal demands for their wedding which is for a day, while the marriage is for a lifetime. Financial preparation should also not be misconstrued for a 3-bedroom ensuite house in Lekki, a car and a fat bank account. Many of the Victoria Garden City, Parkview, Ikoyi and Banana Island married couples did not start their marriage there, trust me. Most, like me, started in a single room or one bedroom Apartment in downtown Ebute Metta (West), Lagos.

Another major requirement for marriage is to ask the question, what do I have to offer this marriage?

We usually look for people who bring balance into our lives, that is, people who compensate for our weaknesses and shortcomings. Opposites they say attract. The truth is that, as the woman is looking for the right man to fix her life, so also the man is looking for "Miss Right" to fix his life. Every single preparing for marriage should stop thinking of what he or she will get out of the marital relationship but rather what to offer it. What are the treasures I am bringing in should be the question. Will my partner be ready to do almost anything to get married to me because of what I have to offer? Will my partner find it very difficult to replace me? Am I the very best wife or husband to my spouse that I can be?

These are critical questions to ask, because sooner or later the one that is a liability in the marriage would crystalize a crisis. So each party must be assets to the marriage for it to work. These do not and are usually not physical assets though as I have espoused previously in this article. Examples of such assets helpful to a marriage are:-

1. Being dependable
2. Being caring and helpful
3. Being prudent and
4. Being resourceful